Learning to Share Life

August 17, 2010  |  In Her Shoes

Photo by Courtney Dellafiora

So about those invitations…never attempt to do them on Friday the 13th. I am not a superstitious girl at all. In fact, my favorite number is 13 and I look forward to when it falls on a Friday. But pretty much anything that could have gone wrong did. If there was one part of the wedding I felt needed to have the strongest presence, it’s the paper. Because it’s my job.

Well, the printer couldn’t print on the thicker paper I had chosen (good to know for future brides) and in fact NO ONE in town could! We eventually got it all printed with the help of my officemate.

Once everything was printed, we worked on assembling them, to find out the RSVPs cards that I had to cut individually (because I have to print them) would not fit. So Tyler ran to get the industrial printer from the office (thanks to this guy).

While they were gone, me and my mom discovered the ink we used for our return address stamps was not drying. I messed up a good 20 envelopes. Cue waterworks.

Tyler said we should take a break. At this point, it was 10 pm on Friday night and I was determined to have them in the mail for Saturday. He asked me to go for a walk. When we got outside I burst into tears and he said “Valerie, do you know why we’re sending these invitations out?? Because we’re getting married!!” Sounds simple but it was a reminder once again of what’s important.

So why was I so stressed? I had Saturday day morning right? Nope.

I had planned a full date day for Tyler that started at 8 am! I had a choice: abandon the date to meet my self-imposed deadline or enjoy the date and be OK with sending our invitations out late.

That was a long intro but today I wanted to share some advice about working on that whole post-wedding day thing: marriage.

I recently read in our book that a husband’s most basic needs are 1. to be admired 2. to have autonomy 3. to enjoy shared activity.

Did you catch that last one?? Who knew hitting the golf course or going camping with your husband could be so important to him?

After reading this, I realized in the 1 1/2 years Tyler and I have been together, I’ve regretfully gotten less adventurous. I’m guessing, brides, you may have too, especially during the engagement. How many times have you told your fiance “I’m busy with (insert wedding task here), I can’t”?

So last Saturday I planned a full day of fun for Tyler and I: kayaking, movies, bookstore, batting cages, farmer’s market, art walk. I know it warmed his heart and showed him I WANT to share activities with him.

This week, show your fiance how much he means to you. It will mean more than making sure your invitations go out a day earlier.


  1. such good advice for pre-wedding life… and life after the wedding. the marriage is so much more important than the day. and you knowing that is what makes you the best at what you do. i have no doubt you help keep brides balanced between a fantastic wedding and keeping a fantastic marriage as a priority!

  2. Great post and reminder to step away from work and spend time with the one I love.


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